I’ve avoided writing about it for fear of…well…I don’t know what, exactly. I guess I’ll plow ahead now that I’ve started, though. 2013 has been the year of “writer’s block from HELL”. I mean it. I’ve never experienced anything like it. It has been tough to even write a paragraph pretty much since January 1st. I’m ashamed of it. It makes me feel like I’m not a proper novelist. I’ve started second guessing my books and thinking that they’re not worth the paper they’re printed on. I’ve started feeling insecure about my abilities. It’s a scary place. I read stories about other successful indie and traditional authors and think, “I’ll never get there…”
It’s definitely a tough place to be in. I’ve started three separate projects this year and haven’t finished a single one. I’ve got an idea for a fourth project, but I’m still in the research phase. Every time I sit down to write, I stop. I pull back. I can’t seem to get anything of worth down on the machine-made-page. I think about all those authors that inspire me. I think about their success. I wonder how they did it. I wonder how they managed to push through the bad reviews and the discouragement. I wonder how they manage to break through the periods of writer’s block (or if they even experience them at all).
I tell myself that my problem with my writing isn’t something people would care about. After all, my writing doesn’t pay the bills. It’s still a hobby. I sat down (well, I say sat down…) and really tried to think about the books I love. The projects I’d like to attempt one day that might be out of my comfort zone. You know what I came up with? I’d still love to write Fantasy novels, but I would also like to attempt Christian Historical Fiction at some point in my career. I’ve already got a story idea based on a historical group of saints. Somewhere, though, a little voice keeps whispering, “You don’t have what it takes. You can’t do it. Your writing will never amount to anything.”
I know where that voice comes from and I have a choice. I can either listen to it and give up, or I can reject it and press on to see where my sub-par writing takes me. I know that I have vast journeys of improvement to embark on. I really need better covers for all my books. I need to make sure I’m having beta readers and a real editor look at my books every single time (and I am working on those things). I also need to simply…write.
I’ve toyed with the idea of going back to my hour-a-day writing challenge that got me into indie publishing in the first place. It was hard and it was a definite commitment, but I produced four manuscripts in one year when I did things that way. It’s certainly possible to get things DONE when I do a challenge like that. I’d also like to participate in NaNoWriMo this year, but that only gives me 21 days to prepare for it.
You know what, though? It’s the hard stuff that is worth doing. I may never get out of this writer’s block period, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try. As hard as it is, I’m going to give it my best. I’m going to go back to writing an hour a day regardless of what life throws at me (unless it’s a major emergency, of course :P). I’m not saying how long I’ll be doing this. I’m not sure. For now, though, I’m going to keep working on cover redos, better editing, beta readers, writing challenges, and pushing myself through the rough patches.
I’m sorry that this post has been more of a venting session for me, but I found that I just really needed to get this stuff out. I needed to be transparent in a way that lets me know there’s no need to keep all struggles a secret. Thank you for listening and letting me share my heart.
If you’re a writer, I hope that your work is going well and that you are producing all kinds of fun things!
If you’re a visiting reader, thank you so much for reading my work and for taking the time to stop by. I hope you enjoy my stories, but even if you don’t, thank you for the time you took to read them.
I hope you all have an amazing day. I’m off to get an hour of writing done. 🙂